Well true to my controversial form I’m about to say something that will probably piss a lot of people off. I’m going to slam the piece of garbage that dares to call itself episode 7 of the Star Wars movie franchise. That’s right I called it garbage. Personally I think it could be saved, but to a greater point, I feel it should be ripped from the shelves and homes of the poor folks who have been forced to watch this slandering mockery of a franchise that is as beloved as Star Wars.
I am a Star Wars fan. I loved the original trilogy and the prequel trilogy. And yes I like Jar Jar Binks too. People currently slam and hate on the Lucas’s prequels and that is fine, but one thing they can’t argue with me about is the point that Lucas never ignored the expanded Star Wars Universe. He adapted his own notions and concepts to fit into the larger fan made story universe. This is Abrams first and biggest mistake, and it shows.
Firstly let me start by saying that when I heard that Abrams was helming this new movie I was very hopeful. I loved his work with Star Trek and Mission Impossible 3-4. The guy is a phenomenal director. But he did a big no no in ignoring the fan base with Star Wars.
So what is wrong with this movie? Let me list the points.
1: It’s retro. What the fuck? I want an original movie that dares to make it’s own feeling, while sticking to the formula. Even Lucas did have some retro moments, but that was part of his formula, certain deaths and the way he left off each movie in both trilogies. But the level of retro Abrams does is ridiculous and wasteful. Oh look it’s another death star! And there is the Millennium Falcon flying away in triumph again escorted by X-wings. Hey it’s another Emperor doing the giant hologram thing and corrupting another Skywalker kid. Yup That is the droid you’re looking for guys spunky and sassy just like another certain one you couldn’t catch and it’s also caring intel you want.
The Level of Retro and unoriginality to the story really hurts. Lucas with each movie tried to weave an original story every time. Yes he had a formula that helps keep the tempo and emotional feelings the same, but each story itself is an original story. The force awakens is an original story that hold too many retro themes to it, and it hurts the movie and the overall story.
2: It doesn’t stick with Lucas’s trilogy formula. Yes Lucas had a magic formula for both trilogies that brought them together. It’s only in minor points but if one pays attention they can see it. First movie has two big arch points that abrams missed. A jedi mentor/master must die. Hans death was supposed to fill this point but just as his appearance in the movie was a blocky chunky WTF moment , so was his death. I was so nonplussed by Hans death that I honestly checked the time remaining in the movie to determine if I wanted to turn it off from boredom. Thankfully the damn thing was almost over.
In both first movies of Lucas’s trilogies, the Master Jedi’s death is significant to the student. They sacrifice themselves or die both at the hands of a brutal sith warrior in a key duel. Obi Wan Sacrifices his life to give Luke a chance and to guide him from the depths of the force to Yoda. Oui Gong Jin’s death at the hands of Darth Maul is significant as it motivates young Obi Wan to greater heights to triumph and eventually make a vow to train Anakin Skywalker. What does Solo’s death do for the movie? Noth other than rid Ford of having to ever reprise the role again. It makes no great movement to the overall story other than he was murdered by his own son.
The next big element to the formula is the very ending. The day is won! The good guys win and now it’s time to party hardy. In both Phantom Menace and A New Hope the ending closes on a celebration. The Nabooian parade and peace ceremony and Han and Luke’s award ceremony. But Abrams has us on some mountaintop closing on a helicopter circling Rey and Luke with an element of uncertainty for the future.
Let me be clear. Luke should have been the one to die instead of Han. And the movie could have ended with a feast with all toasting a potentially bright future.
3: It ignores much of the expanded universe and established characters in that universe. Simply put Abrams did what got another director in trouble. He ignored his source material and the fans and did his own thing. The director I am referring to is Uwe Boll. Uwe Boll has pretty much been ostracized for his ignoring of source material for numerous movies based on once popular video games like House of the Dead, Bloodrayne, and Far Cry, among others. Look him up and you will find that many studios do not want to work with this guy because of his going on his own tangents and his overall attitude. Thankfully Abrams has a much better attitude about things and is an awesome director in most cases. But I have digressed.
Abrams clearly announced that he was going to ignore anything made by the fans and much of lucasfilm source material save for the direct movies and clone wars animated cartoons. If he hadn’t this movie might actually be much better. First Han and Leia did have kids who did become Luke’s students Jaicen Solo, who did turn to the dark side and eventually became a Sith lord called Darth Caedus. Look him up and you will find a very rich and fleshed out character ready to use. You will also learn that Luke did have a child too. Named Ben. Yes the Ben character was not Ben Solo, But Ben Skywalker. Jaiken also had a twin sister Jaina Solo and younger brother Anakin Solo.
Han and Leia didn’t have a very strong connection to Obi Wan Kenobi, so why would they name their child after him? They wouldn’t. But Luke grew up calling him Old Ben Kenobi. Thus he had more than just a connection, he would have eventually seen him like a grandfather and mentor and by the end actually did. So strong was their connection that Obi Wan even managed to force phantom link with Luke to continue to help guide him. So certainly Luke would name his kid after the old fart. There is so much there that Abrams could have used that he shouldn’t have any real excuse for the mess of a movie that it turned out to be, if only he hadn’t ignored the expanded universe. Instead he treated it like a chinese buffet. Taking what he wanted and ignoring the rest.
4: It’s painfully chunky at points and the story doesn’t flow well. As a writer I know that a story needs to flow. You can have all these great grand and wonderful moments of action comedy and romance, but you need to mesh each scene together with its surrounding scenes or it will not feel right. This happens several times in the movie, but perhaps the most notable one is the introduction of Han and Chewie. Ouch talk about afterthought moment slapped in there. I could have introduced those two in several ways that was a thousand times better than them just happening to show up in a junk freighter to reclaim their long lost ship that they just so happened to stumble upon because they just so happened to be passing through that particular system.
“Good gods man! What were you thinking!” I yelled at my TV screen that scene came up. After such a dynamic escape that would have made for some high comedy seeing Han and BB8 both struggling with Rey’s piloting, and half crazed antics at the helm, had they actually been on planet as Rey and the doofus come tearing ass onboard uninvited. “Who the hell is flying my ship!” WHAM! Han falls out of hammock as Falcon takes off. Chewie roars as he lands on top of him.
That simple interaction right there would have been allot smoother, and far more amusing than the horror show that went into Han and Chewie about to get blasted by two gangs on some ship he apparently owns along with monsters. What’s more is that it would have made for a perfect Han moment when he realized BB8 was carrying vital intel. “Ah shiiiiit!!! Not again!”
Lucas actually was asked to submit a treatment script to be used for the movie. His script was ignored and thrown out altogether. I’m sorry but if you’re going to ask the guy who creates something like Star Wars to submit a script, fucking use it or adapt it. Don’t just throw it away and pretend like it never existed. This isn’t a reboot movie, it is supposed to be a continuation of the man’s actual story, have some respect and work with the guy. If you don’t want to do that, then don’t touch his work and make a totally new series separate from the lucas story arch.
5: Temper Tantrums! Good god! This guy is supposed to be the new sith? If Vader had ever caught his grandson wastefully smashing up consoles and throwing temper tantrums like that, what do you think he would have done? He wouldhave force choked the life out of the boy revived him kicked his ass some more then stuffed him in an air lock and blow him into vacuum. The Sith don’t tolerate childish tantrums. Kylo Ren would have been beaten to a pulp by his overseers and told to suck it up and quit his pouting and self doubting.
Instead we now have this unstable poorly trained Sith wannabe. Even his saber is poorly crafted. Yes as cool as that thing looks I wouldn’t trust it. Saber blades don’t flux and look like fire. If they do that means the crystals are not stable or properly aligned. Jedi have lost limbs and lives because of such sabers malfunctioning and exploding or the blades losing cohesion. What’s more is the “crossguard”, makes the weapon dangerous to the wielder’s own wrist area. No logical swordsman would willingly wield such a weapon without years of practice. And Kylo ren clearly has very little experience or real training. His form and stances are sloppy and he swings the damn thing like a club instead of a sword. Rey on the other hand hell even Doofus clearly have some sort of significant training and wield Anakin’s saber with some serious competence.
After watching The Force Awakens, I was left with the hollow gut dropping sensation of watching my childhood being destroyed and raped. Lucas never meant for this movie to be made. He had originally intended for a nine movie series, but after doing his prequels he realized that he shouldn’t make a seventh movie because Return of the Jedi Wrapped up everything nicely and the expanded universe had done well to continue his story without him. His actual words I think was that it now belonged to the fans not him. And he was happy about that.
But then he sold it to Disney and now like with so many other things that I loved from my childhood it has been raped without any care to it’s spirit. I have been forced to watch what should have been a good relaunch of the series fall short as a retro emo slap in the face of my childhood fantasies of fighting Vader and zipping around the galaxy in the Millennium Falcon and battling in my X-wing. I just saw all of that get smashed by an ignorant hand trying to do what? Bring it back?
You failed J.J. You failed so horribly that I pray that you don’t make another Star Wars movie. I honestly hope that fans will ignore this movie and scream blue bloody murder to have it removed from the shelves and banished to the deepest vaults in hollywood. Never to be spoken of again.
Here is the sad part. The movie has potential. Had Abrams not tried so flipping hard to make it retro, and not ignored the expanded universe and worked with it. Then the movie would have been a very welcome addition to the franchise. As it stands though, The Force has Died in the careless hands of JJ Abrams. It is a slap in the face to the fans. And what is worse is they are masochistically thanking Abrams for it. They are slamming Lucas for his prequel trilogy and praising Abrams for this barbaric destruction of all that we have come to love. I have no understanding of why Episodes 1-3 are so reviled and hated. But I do know that if you like and endorse Abrams movie you are a waste to all Star Wars fans and need to just go drown yourself.
Ok so that is harsh. But my point is clear. Listen to the comments on review sites. IMDb is seething with hatred for this new Star Wars. And yet we are supposed to think that fans are loving it? Sorry but I am calling bullshit there. Those positive reviewers are probably being paid to ignore the unhappy fans. Even Lucas has made some bad remarks about the movie. Think about it folks. You have the power to end this frackery by writing Disney and Abrams and demanding that they scrap this project from continuing. You have the power to do your research and realize that this movie should never have been allowed to get made. And should be taken off the market and stripped of the honor of being titled “Episode 7”.
Thanks yall for bearing with this long post. But please, now give me your thoughts in the comments below. But before I go I want to say a few more final words. Disney will never relent with this movie I know this. Not unless the fans show them that this is not a thing we will tollerate being fucked around with. Yes we do need another Star Wars movie now just to make up for the train wreck that is Force Awakens, but it needs to be helmed by Lucas, not a Disney lacky. Bring back George Lucas!